


Innocence in Admiration

by wolfenmond



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 11:24:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19744747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfenmond/pseuds/wolfenmond
Summary: Bon isn't stupid. He knows that admiration does not equal love.Bon muses about his feelings for Lightning. And also his haircut.





	Innocence in Admiration

**Author's Note:**

> The first work I post in two years and it's this. I don't even know where the idea came from. And then it took me three days to find a title.

Bon isn't stupid. He knows that admiration does not equal love. But he can't help his heart rate speeding up whenever Lightning leans close to him nor the blush creeping to his cheeks when Lightning praises him for his way of thinking, or being so organized, or keeping his master in check, or his cooking, or... anything, really.

Bon isn't stupid but in those moments he wonders if that really is the truth. If he hasn't crossed the line balancing between admiration and love. 

If he even knows the difference, that is.

When he started his apprenticeship he had cut his hair. Where he had formerly kept a blond mohawk between unruly locks that he had to keep out of his face with either gel or a hair clip he now sports short hair with an undercut. It had been a spontaneous decision.

Maybe it was to be able to keep a better eye on everything, he muses. His master is messy and spontaneous and Bon is the one who has to keep the overview on everything. (How had Lightning managed on his own, he wonders.) It's easier to miss something with hair threatening to fall in your face so cutting it was a practical choice.

But maybe... Maybe it was a reminder not to lose sight of what is important. Sure, learning under the best aria himself would help Bon as an exorcist. But he doesn't want to forget about his friends in the process. He knows he has been neglecting them ever since he begged Lightning to take him as an apprentice, often rejecting their offer to hang out or cancelling their study sessions in favour of doing whatever his master asks of him. He doesn't want to.

He does it anyway.

Which brings him back to Lightning. That man holds a power over him he doesn't quite understand. Whenever Lightning calls, Bon feels compelled to answer. Feels bad when he doesn't, just like he feels bad when he lets Lightning down. He doesn't want to let Lightning down. He wants Lightning, to be able rely on him.

Is that only admiration? Misguided idolization? Or is it love?

No matter how much he contemplates about it he can't find an answer.

Bon isn't stupid. But Lightning makes him feel like he is.


End file.
